Last weekend my husband and I sat down and had one of our “bi-weekly” money meetings…or in other words, an opportunity for us to check in to go over bills, share what we want to do individually and as a couple, and to track our progress towards savings goals, etc. Being married for almost 3 years now, this wasn’t always something we did together, we definitely had to learn these habits through some tough trial and error.
While we both like to enjoy ourselves, take vacations, and go out to dinners, I am the first to admit I am more of the spender and my husband is the more frugal one in our marriage. I believe life is meant to be enjoyed in the moment and my husband prefers to put money aside for a rainy day. Although I manage our money and our bank accounts most of the time, I like to spend when we have the extra cash. We’ve shared our bank accounts for almost 6 years and still struggle to get on the same page about money. That’s because money runs deep into the ocean of our subconscious. We learn about money from a young age and carry these beliefs with us into our marriages: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Money is way more than just the numbers, it’s how we feel about it that matters. Knowing these slight differences in our beliefs about money is the first step in determining what is truly important to us in our lives.
So last weekend I decided we were going to spice up our money meetings by making them feel better. For me, money troubles immediately cause me overwhelm. Knowing this about myself, I needed to start with a foundation of feeling grounded and calm. I grabbed my Desire Map book, a notepad a comfy cushion, our Mac, and a blanket and we laid it out in our backyard. We both meditated together for 5-10 minutes then we took turns sharing what we wanted out of our money within the next few months. We both listened to each other, uninterrupted. It allowed us to share our desires with each other without feeling judgment, fear or anger. We created the space we needed to discuss what we both wanted individually and together.
In case you don’t know about Danielle LaPorte’s book #TheDesireMap, it is a wonderful tool you can use to determine the core desired feelings you want out of your life. So often we say we want that dream car, amazing job, perfect boobs, or the perfect partner but that approach is backwards. We need to start with determining the feelings we want to feel, and getting uber specific with them, then we begin taking actions based on our core desired feelings and attract more abundance into our lives naturally.
Knowing both my own and my husband’s core desired feelings, it lays a foundation for us to be able to more openly talk about our desires and troubles when it comes to money. With open and authentic conversation on tough topics like money regularly, we not only get to check in with each other, there is no tension or deep seated frustrations regarding money since we address everything on the spot.
We still struggle on occasion and we don’t always agree on everything, but the commitment we have to regularly return to openly discussing money is the key to long term happiness and freedom. When something comes, up we don’t avoid it, we talk it out even when we’re angry, frustrated, and disappointed. Avoiding money talk in marriage whether you share a bank account or not is a definite path to marital troubles down the road. Being honest and open with each other regularly is the path to true freedom.
What types of regular practices work for your marriage in achieving financial freedom? What sort of roadblocks have you run into as a couple with regards to money? Feel free to share in the comments below!
#marriage #financialfreedom #love #money #wellness #desiremap #sassyfreesensitive